How you construct your sentences – word order, sentence structure, punctuation, etc – changes the mood, translation, and reading of your sentence. These details are incredibly important for both communication and style.
I’ve talked about the importance of punctuation in my youtube video, How to Write a Sentence: Punctuation, and how it affects the style and reading of the sentence. I want to go over that a bit more by taking a sentence and writing it in a few different ways. Let’s take this example sentence:
Weather is not trivial – it’s especially important when you’re standing in it.
Now, let’s try and write it a few different ways:
- Weather is not trivial. It’s especially important when you’re standing in it.
- Weather is not trivial… it’s especially important when you’re standing in it.
- The weather is not trivial when you are standing in it.
- The weather is not trivial, especially when you are standing in it.
- The weather is especially important when you are standing in it.
- The weather – when you are standing in it, especially – is not trivial.
Read these sentences for a moment and try and decide how these feel different when you read them. Go on. I’ll wait.
Okay. Now, let’s discuss them together a bit.
“The weather is not trivial – it’s especially important when you’re standing in it”
The example sentence is a strong sentence. The dash creates a dramatic pause between the first independent statement, “the weather is not trivial” and the second dependent statement, “it’s especially important when you’re standing in it.” Great for opening a literary piece, or a first-person internal narrative.
“Weather is not trivial. It’s especially important when you’re standing in it.”
If we change the dash to a period, the statement comes to a full stop in the middle. These are no longer two connected ideas hitched together in union, but they are now two independent thoughts. “Weather is not trivial” is the idea being presented for consideration. “It’s especially important when you’re standing in it” becomes a sort of supportive argument.
“Weather is not trivial… it’s especially important when you’re standing in it.”
If we change the dash or period to an ellipsis, we now have a fade. The first sentence fades off into oblivion while the second sentence picks up a new idea and sets off with it. This gives a more thoughtful mood than a dramatic one or an argumentative one.
“The weather is not trivial when you are standing in it.”
Let’s take out the separation completely this time. This is now a factual statement about when the weather is not trivial. The first three changes suggest that the weather is not trivial at any time. This sentence claims that the weather is not trivial in one particular situation.
“The weather is not trivial, especially when you are standing in it.”
If we put the “especially” back in the sentence, we now have to break it up again, which means that our original emphasis has now returned but the dramatic pause is gone. While using the ellipsis, dash, or period is like hitting the brakes while driving, the comma is like shifting gears. It’s a small lag, but not anything that creates quite the same drama as the other options.
“The weather is especially important when you are standing in it.”
Now we’ve taken out the word “trivial.” This sentence now has less of a literary spice and more of a colloquial one. This is perfect for dialogue, or for any writing that is in need of a friendlier, more casual tone.
“The weather – when you are standing in it, especially – is not trivial.”
And for the finale is the double dashed interjection. This means that we are interrupting the sentence, “The weather is not trivial” with an additional thought in the middle. Remember that with double dashes, the reader should be able to take out everything between the dashes, and the remainders make a complete thought. The idea between the double dashes “when you are standing in it, especially” is actually a secondary thought that is interrupting the first thought.
And that’s the same sentence in 7 different ways, including the example sentence.
Want to practice this for yourself? Here are 5 sentences for you to play with. Try changing the word order, style, punctuation, structure, etc, to improve your writing!
PRACTICE:
(Write each of these sentences in at least 5 different ways)
- Karen believed all traffic laws should be obeyed by all except herself.
- It had been sixteen days since the zombies first attacked.
- As he entered the church he could hear the soft voice of someone whispering into a cell phone.
- At that moment he wasn’t listening to music, he was living an experience.
- The thick foliage and intertwined vines made the hike nearly impossible.