How should you organize sentences for the greatest emotional impact? Let’s take a look at a dramatic sentence and rewrite it in a few ways in order to change the impact it has on the reader.
SAMPLE SENTENCE: All she wanted was the answer, but she had no idea how much she would hate it.
VARIATIONS:
- All she wanted was the answer. She had no idea how much she would hate it.
- All she wanted was the answer.
She had no idea how much she would hate it. - She wanted the answer, even if she hated it.
- Even though she hated it, she wanted the answer.
- She would hate the answer. But she wanted it (anyways).
- Not knowing how much she would hate the answer, she wanted it.
- Not knowing how much she would hate it, she wanted the answer.
Take a minute to look through these different sentences. How does each style make you feel?
Now, let’s analyze each one.
All she wanted was the answer, but she had no idea how much she would hate it.
This sentence is made by a narrator, either by the writer himself or by a secondary character who knows the answer to “her” question. The narrator knows that the character will hate the answer, and is probably the one keeping the answer from her, or is the one preparing to deliver the answer.
Now let’s take a look at the variations. Let’s compare variations 1 and 2 together.
All she wanted was the answer. She had no idea how much she would hate it.
VS
All she wanted was the answer.
She had no idea how much she would hate it.
These may seem the same, but they’re actually not. The first example has both pieces in the same paragraph. The second example has the pieces in their own paragraphs.
When you divide these pieces into different paragraphs, what you’re essentially doing is changing a camera angle.
Think of it like a movie: You can show something dramatically by starting with a wide shot and then slowly zooming in. Or you can do a cut: the first shot is a good distance away from the character, and then cut away to a close-up shot during the dramatic realization. Sentence #1 is the slow zoom. Sentence #2 is the cut shot. Which one you want to use is up to you, depending on the tension in the scene, your personal style, etc.
She wanted the answer, even if she hated it.
This is a conditional statement, and in this sentence, the character is aware that she might hate the answer she’s looking for. This can also be used as a bit of foreshadowing. We expect that – in some way – the answer will not be a good one.
Even though she hated it, she wanted the answer.
In this statement, the character hates wanting the answer. Her main irritation isn’t the possible answer or even the problem, but instead, her relentless curiosity. She wishes she could just forget the matter completely.
She would hate the answer. But she wanted it (anyways).
In this sentence, the character knows that she won’t like the answer. Regardless, she wants the truth. This is different from the example sentence, where the narrator knows that the character will hate the answer, while the character herself is unaware.
In this variation, you can leave in the “anyways” or take it out. Taking it out makes it a sharper ending, more dramatic. Leaving in the “anyways” makes it more casual and relaxed.
Not knowing how much she would hate the answer, she wanted it.
This sentence is actually an example of how not to write the sentence. Why? It’s an odd structure. The “it” at the end falls flat and leaves no emotional impact on the reader. I don’t recommend this one at all.
Not knowing how much she would hate it, she wanted the answer.
This sentence is clearer than the previous sentence, but the reader is still going to trip over it. This sentence is a front-loaded sentence, meaning the important information is in the front. Usually, with front-loaded sentences, the first part of the sentence lingers in the readers’ minds longer and with more emphasis than the second half of the sentence. In this instance, however, it doesn’t have the same effect. Something gets muddled in translation while reading it, and the drama of the first part is lost completely. Another sentence I would recommend not using.
And that’s the same sentence in 8 different ways, including the example sentence.
Want to practice this for yourself? Here are 5 sentences for you to play with. Try changing the word order, style, punctuation, structure, etc, to improve your writing!
- Today is Sunday, which means tomorrow is Monday and yesterday was Saturday.
- She hated the color pink, even though she had loved it as a child.
- When he decided to investigate the crime, he had no idea he’d learn so much about his family.
- Off the top of my head, I’d say the company has 500 employees.
- His mom was so upset that he knew he couldn’t tell her the truth.